Lead with Love

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like God’s hand is on and in everything you experienced? Today was one of those days for me. There have been a lot of words spoken over me and secret promises that God has made to me, even as far back as almost a decade ago. At the time, I didn’t understand the prophetic words or the promises because I had no vision for the future that God was speaking those promises into. Sometimes a prophetic word can be like what some describe as “reading your mail.” In other words, the word describes your situation so perfectly, that it’s as though someone had to be reading your mail to know the things they knew. For me, it’s a lot different. It’s a mystery. Something that I have to wait for. (Did I mention that patience is not my forté?) Something that he has to prepare me for.

When God makes a promise, I write it down. I ponder it. I begin looking for it in the natural realm. I’ll start looking for deeper meaning in everything that remotely resembles His promise to me. I’m totally guilty of always trying to figure Him out before the time is right. And I’ll admit, that I’ve failed every time! He’s really good at waiting to reveal mysteries to me! Anyway. Like I said, there are things that He’s spoken to me that I’m still waiting to see the manifestation of, and there are times where I’ll get frustrated and put those promises on the shelf. Some time will go by and He’ll bring them back to mind.

Today was one of those days.

I have felt a shift the past four weeks, and I’m starting to see things differently. I’m starting to sense things differently. It’s like I have a new awareness or He’s opened my eyes in a new way. I’ll try to explain. I went to Half Price Books to search for old magazines to cut up for an art project. I walked right in and right in front of me were the journals. My senses became immediately overwhelmed. Here are just a few of the things I saw:

A journal that said “Write your Story.” (He told me to do that a week ago while I was having my quiet time.)

A note card that said, “If you’re looking for a sign, this is it!” (Ok, God- you’ve got my attention!)

Another journal decorated with artwork “Woman in Gold” (Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer) by Gustav Klimt. One of my favorite artists.

And when I was in the store, I heard Lara’s Theme from Dr. Zhivago, written by Maurice Jarre- the song my grandfather used to sing, and we would dance to from time to time when I was a little girl. When my grandfather passed away, this song was the soundtrack for a dream I had where I was able to see my grandfather happy in heaven, waiting for me.

Here are the lyrics:

Somewhere my love there will be songs to sing
Although the snow covers the hope of Spring
Somewhere a hill blossoms in green and gold
And there are dreams, all that your heart can hold

Someday we’ll meet again, my love
Someday whenever the Spring breaks through

You’ll come to me, out of the long-ago
Warm as the wind, soft as the kiss of snow
Lara, my own, think of me now and then
Godspeed, my love, till you are mine again.

So there I was in Half Price Books with tears in my eyes, telling God, “Oh great, I wasn’t really planning on having a cry right now.” He told me, “This was you and your grandfather’s song, but now it’s our song.” “When your grandfather was alive, he was the person you went to- he was your father. But after he came home to me was when you finally realized that it was time to let Me be your father- to be the one that you come to for everything.”

There was a time when I had forgotten how to dream. I don’t mean dream while I sleep. I mean that over the course of time and circumstance and pain that I walled up my heart to protect it. In the process however, I shut myself off to dreaming anything about my life or my future. The air around my heart became stale. It was beating and I was living, but there was nothing that bloomed. Nothing that brought me joy for me. I could muster living and giving for others’ sake, but I never wanted to put myself through the process of a dream again– for fear of failure, for the fear of more pain that it would cause me.

Today, I saw a glimpse of my promises. And I’m not afraid anymore. It never ceases to amaze me how God’s thoughts towards us are SO GOOD, SO LOVING, and SO KIND. I hope that by reading this, you start to believe again. I hope that you start to dream again.

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Jessica Gilliam

I'm Jessica. I'm listening. To pen the things that are being impressed on my heart to record and share. To inspire. To lend perspective. To dare others to hope. Perhaps you're on a similar journey. If so, let's run (ok, maybe power-walk) together.

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