Do you ever feel like you’re not enough? Just like today there are many times when my schedule gets a little out of hand, and I have to remind myself to rule over the day before the day rules over me. There are also a lot of things that I believe the Lord has spoken to me that I’m also believe he will accomplish in his time. So, in some ways, I’m in the waiting room of physically seeing what I’m believing for. That’s where I have to make the daily conscious choice to prepare and participate in what God wants to do with the blueprints he’s given me. Easier said than done some days…
Today, I was praying for myself. I laugh as I type this because it sounds so self-focused, and truthfully, the majority of my prayer life is wrapped up in praying for others and listening. I often will actually write my personal prayer requests down and present my petitions to God, but I don’t continue to pray the same prayers over and over. When something comes up and the Lord shows me I need to pray, I’ll write it down and give it to him, and then I move on. It’s like set it, and forget it! Why? Because I trust and believe that God will answer my prayer. I’m just documenting it in my journal so I can go back and see when he did it and how he did it– it’s usually never answered the way I would have done it!
So, today was different. I’ll often tell my husband that I struggle in the space of doing too much all the time and feeling guilty in the moments where I feel as though I’m not doing enough. But I’ve learned the signs of needing a break and needing rest, and everyone around me benefits when I yield to giving myself the gift of rest. The truth is, old Jess would grind the gears to the point of bitterness and exhaustion, mainly because for the majority of my life I felt my self-worth was only validated in my performance. If you’ve ever dealt with that, you know you’ll perform yourself into a pit and still wind up feeling unloved and unworthy.
There are days where I know I’m not enough. There are days where the dreams God put in my heart are so big they can only be accomplished by the power of an almighty God. I just can’t do it. I recognize that. Today I was telling him that I literally can’t crush these goals if He’s not in them. Now, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t invent these goals and ask God to put his stamp of approval on them. My assignment has been given to me, and it can look like the Israelites experienced when they went to scope out the Promised Land. I see giants, but I see the bounty. I see the potential. I believe the Promise. We are well able to go up and possess the land the Lord has marked out for us. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not a teensie bit scared.
When I survey magnitude of the mountain, I have to speak courage into myself. I use the word of God. I apply wisdom from thought leaders on grit, fear, and psychology. I use my imagination to visualize best-possible and worst-case scenarios to desentize myself to irrational and probable outcomes. And most importantly, I lay those fears back down at the foot of the cross where my savior died to deliver me from a spirit of fear.
Roosevelt said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” Purpose is on the other side of fear. Provision is on the other side of fear.
The Lord spoke this to me today:
“Lay down your fear and every sin that so easily entangles you and run your race with perseverance. Fear and faith cannot exist together. Choose fear or choose faith in Me, My timing, My will, My plans, My purpose. Fear is not an option. Let faith arise. Speak faith. I am enough so you don’t have to be. I am your Enough today, tomorrow, and forever.“
Sin and fear can get us tangled up so that we take our eyes off the promise and the blueprint. Where does fear come from? It’s sent by the enemy because he sees you’re approaching your promise and potential.
Hebrews 12 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
I pray that today, you’ll crush fear with your heel and let faith arise.
“God is enough for me”- Psalm 73:26
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9